I also got weird vibes from some white people, namely the parents of the women I was dating. And the ones who asked me if I speak Mexican. Yes, that is absolutely a thing. Which means that in the eyes of others, the color of the women I date is a big deal. I see people watching me with a stink eye, noses turned up, as if they think black and brown people would somehow be better off if I dumped my white girlfriend. I started reading James Baldwin, Ta-Nehisi Coates and other black and brown authors looking for guidance, a road map, help on what it means to be a brown man in the world.
Like: Yes, our bodies have been colonized. Yes, I am a child of blackness. Yes, the black body has done more for society than it has gotten in return. Yes, society seems to want to embrace a lot of things associated with blackness without actually being black. How did we get here? If everyone is so woke, why are things so terrible?
Anyway, what am I supposed to do? How do I love as a brown body in the world in a way that makes everybody happy? Am I the problem or is everyone else? Do white women find me attractive or do they see me as some exotic idea they should find attractive? Do I find white women attractive or do I see them as some exotic idea I should find attractive? Not because of what or whom we love, but as a way out, a way of being seen and of being saved.
That my power is only as valuable as the person by my side. A whole system is coded within me. Before I was born, my mother told my father she was pregnant at 3 a.
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