The experience of dating in Europe and America can be quite different. Indeed, there are differences in expectations about dating, as well as the ways in which people meet their dates and carry themselves while they are with them in such contexts. Americans are more likely to meet through online dating sites and at bars.
In Europe, people often meet at dinner parties or from personal introductions by friends and family. While many Americans are into casually dating several people at once, Europeans date to get into a relationship with one person—often right away. In the United States, people tend to spend more money on dates, and the expectation is often that men should pick up the tab. I have to dress up and meet someone I don't really know for dinner to talk about myself and try to impress him and hope we have sex in the end?
I really doubt it's just guys in the US who need to "learn to talk to girls. Not just on dates, but also when just "socializing" with them. They're scary because you want sex with them, which I believe is the same around the world. On the next point, dates are not about appreciating someone's social skills.
However, the more social skills you have, the more you can show the other person who you are. It is pressure going 1-on-1 with someone new, and many people have trouble being themselves. This is, I think, why learning social skills are important. I didn't mean that it's just guys in the US who need to learn to talk to girls, but it's just in the US that the concept of talking to girls even exists as far as I know.
And I think that making a difference between talking to a girl and talking to a friend is ultimately not good. Can't I be a girl and a friend and still keep the possibility of the encounter ending with sex opened? And saying that girls are scary because you want to have sex with them is just not logical. A lot of girls walk among guys that they want to have sex with but I don't think they're scared of them.
I understand that social skills are important, but again, in Europe it's not really a concept that anyone talks about or tries to learn about. But it makes sense what you said, you do need more social skills when you're 1 on 1 with someone new, and maybe the reason why it's not talked about in Europe is because it rarely happens that you're 1 on 1 with someone completely new. If you don't like doing this, then why would you 'date' someone who does.
If you want to wear costumes and climb buildings on a 'date' then invite someone to do that instead actual 'date' I went on. It's is just about getting a feel for the other person and whether you mesh well. Socialization is so rife with possibilities. Why anyone would limit them to the shit on tv is beyond me.
Go on a date to break every social rule and find a girl who enjoys it. Haha, that's interesting, because I'm Dutch and when I read your post I thought to myself.. I've been dating someone in an American way! Also, do you really find more androgyny in America? That's one thing I don't agree with at all. The girl I just went out on a date with, actually paid for several drinks and then we talked about how it's funny that this is absolutely unacceptable in the US.
A woman paying isn't too much of a faux pas. If the woman offers, the man objects, and then the man concedes, then that's usually fine. But a woman should not have to offer if she does not want to, at least according to the ways of my people.
Really, I find men are much more willing to pay in Europe and so I infer women expect it more here. I can't speak for other women. I usually pay my share based on my income compared to the other guy. Also, I've been in a couple of conversations with women where I would tell them I paid, and they'd be shocked.
I feel like thats just less likely the case in America the shock. Netherlands in general seems to be the most androgynous and practical place in the world. So that might be the exception. As an American male who admittedly hasn't dated in a year and a half--in a relationship I find it tricky, especially at the beginning of dating, to figure out who pays what. I always offer to pay for whatever--call me old-fashioned.
But then, sometimes you'll have a date with a woman who would rather you didn't on a first date, and I'm okay with that. I chalk it up to some women not wanting the expectation of "owing" the guy something if he spends a good deal of money on them in a few dates.
Dating A European Girl VS Dating An American Girl
I'm totally fine with this, even if it is a bit awkward sometimes, because I'm very conscious of not trying to come off as a some guy who expects anything read: We don't break out calculators. Just like I pay coffee, you catch expensive dinner. I split that way after the first couple of dates where the person who invite's pays.
And i never ask what the income is, but you can get an idea. Also, I am really really broke, and I tend to date guys who are, stable- usually cause they are older. So that means I pay very little. But not cause I'm a girl, but because I can't afford it. I've also paid for men. Unless you're on a date with a super traditional person. Most first-third dates are splits for me whether this means splitting everything or one person pays for the movie or game, or drinks, etc and the other buys the meal or another portion of the date.
As an American, I have to say I think this is atypical; no offense but this doesn't represent the American experience very well. In theory you can do it but in practice I think it's severely frowned upon where I live, anyway to go on multiple dates at the same time and choose among many suitors simultaneously. I could see this working in NYC, but elsewhere, not so much. I've always thought that it was basically expected of me that I was exclusive with the person I went out on the date on, at least at the time of our date s. Dating, on the other hand, does create a definite expectation that you're leading up to something, so when there's suddenly no more dates, it's very clear - uncomfortably clear - that you are rejecting them a very American concept, in its way.
Also, not too much too big a deal of it, but the average redditor choosing among many people to date is also rather atypical. Hope you watched the video.. I mean, isn't socialising an end in itself, and not a means to something else? So I don't see how it could be more or less efficient, because there's nothing to achieve by genuine socialising. But in doing so they're doing something wrong. We tend to look very unfavourably on people who do that. I guess this is, indeed, the biggest difference between US and European culture.
Efficiency in things like dating, having fun, normed ways of doing weddings or birthday parties, etc. There is just stuff you hate doing efficiently in Europe and I say this as someone close to the German culture which is infamous for being awfully disciplined. If you meet someone you really like, you just don't want there to be any normed ritual that would decide if it works out for either of you. You just want to jump in and enjoy the ride.
Even if it could end up in something horrible. For me, I have to socialize with a lot of people before I find ones that I really like. So by efficiency I mean, meeting people quickly to get to the 'good ones'. C'mon you're a redditor But of course, it's worth it when you meet the right people. Then it doesn't really have to be efficient. And inevitably at some point you are just 'hanging out' to 'hang out'.
In which case we should leave, do cool things, so we can get back together and share. More efficient- than the owe so tempting- 'I like you but I'm a bit bored' cause we've been spending a lot of time together. The US has a lot of ritualised events for such a young country. But I really see its appeal in being an easy way to meet new people. You can go to a party every weekend but only hang out with the same comfortable social circle, and maybe one or two of their work colleagues.
Its so much easier to understand people when they are all responding differently to the same ritual. Gives you a point of contrast. They also force you to do things that may not be your default. Like dancing is often part of a ritual wedding, club, etc. I'm glad I get forced to do it, otherwise I might not ever be self-inclined. And even if I was, the social structures to support the motivation may not be accessible Dancing by yourself sucks without rituals. I feel the same way about dating.
In America, there is a ritual of dating. So it forces me to go out and date. I'm better for it, cause I meet a lot more people that way as you were saying. Umm, I feel there's a lot there and the one point would be 'dating' for Americans and 'socializing' for Europeans. But then every other person has said that in this thread. I was trying to give details of that. Maybe later I'll extract some good points. Why don't you watch the Dan Savage video link in comment..
He's more interesting than me. Not on topic, but you'll get a quick point of analysis. I assume thats what you're looking for in TL;DR? It includes insights such as: American dating is more like 'I want to fuck you so let's go to a dinner to see if I'm not repulsed by your personality', while European is more like 'Let's be friends, who knows - maybe we'll eventually sleep with each other.
This is how I got together with my boyfriend, it's pretty typical of what my friends and I do Europe: I met him through a friend. We socialised as a group, I liked him and made extra effort to talk to him. We saw each other more in the same social setting. He invited me out to a nightclub with some friends, while there he kissed me.
Then we were exclusively an item. No asking out on a "date". No awkwardness of what to wear, who pays, how far to go or how long until he should call. No building up of going for coffee then lunch then dinner. How are we supposed to know when we've finished just dating and are now together? Also, he was the only guy on my radar and he was only interested in me. I might be unusual in this. I can't imagine fancying more than one guy at any one time, or not knowing after a few hours if I'd want a relationship with him.
I'm kind of shocked and amazed by this whole topic. I didn't think I lived under a rock, but now I'm not so sure. I'm happily married, and I consider myself to have had a fairly normal string of relationships prior to that. At the time, I called it "dating", but it was definitely more like what you described with mutual friends, nightclub, then exclusivity. But reading all these comments is baffling, like the whole coffee-then-lunch-then-dinner progression. People actually do that?? I guess they must And definitely not fun. That works as long as you are in the same group of friends and can more or less subtly control how long and often you see the other person.
As most of the relationships here in germany come from knowing each other through friends, that is no problem. But if you like a person without being "connected", you have to do an extra effort to meet her and talk to her and so on, and in that case you will have to ask her out and then it is a date. It might not be as formal, but most of the unwritten rules still apply more or less.
Also, if you go to a concert or something big like that, it's often with a group.
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I went once with a girl and her cousin, but it was absolutely a date - our first in fact, even though we had hung out several times in other capacities. This story sounds about right. Only, I don't think you're considered an item right after the first kiss. It usually takes a couple of these random events and a couple or planned "meetings". I don't know one way or the other, but this is reddit, so I can assure you that it is much better in Europe. You think someone "won" the war?
Think about what you are saying and what causes you to think that way. And ze French totally saved your ass during the revolution. How does it feel? You got military help from the French. If all I knew about Europe was how it was portrayed on Reddit, I would think that there is no poverty, crime, that all universities are free, that all of the politicians are reasonable, there is no racism, and everyone is happy.
I once asked an American girl if she wanted to join me and my friends for hiking near our city in Austria, her answer was that, it appeared I'm asking her out for a date and she was not interested. For the most part American guys rarely invite girls out to do things without the whole thing being a pre-date.
Halfway attractive girls learn this one early on. They learn to read any invite out to do stuff as a prelude to dating. They learn not to hang out with guys they aren't interested in going out with because, invariably, the guys either make a move that grosses them out or he sits around petulantly moping in the friend zone like a wet dog.
At least you were being nice to the retarded. Maybe you just have a I want to rape you face and she was scared to go out into the woods with you. I go to Illinois a lot for work. About 2 - 3 months a year.
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With the exception of Chicago, it all sucks, and the people there agree. I also haven't met anyone who has claimed to prefer Illinois over ape. Unless someone has been in both continents at a young age, it's impossible to get a non-biased answer really. But you're not going to get a useful comment out of me either. Mind you, both Euro-dating and US-dating confuses the bejesus out of me. I think both have advantages and disadvantages. The US way of doing things is a lot more mercenary and straightforward, but a total fucking chore if you don't get a kick out of the whole intricate "job interview for the position of potential sexual partner" dance.
The Euro way is a lot more laid back and low-pressure but can take a lot longer, and is more likely to send some poor sod into the cursed land of "friendsville". The US method is probably a lot kinder when one person wants out and the other doesn't.
15 Difference Between Dating in Europe and America - vazisysyheta.tk
You seem to have grokked the concept well, in picking your new user name. I've read through all of the comments so far and I can't believe no one is disagreeing with the stereotypes about American dates. Neither I nor any of my friends that I know of have gone on a TV-style American date where you "ask someone out" and then go "pick her up at 6. All of the descriptions about of the "continental" style of hanging out socially and then possibly turning into a relationship are the only thing I've ever seen in America as well.
Maybe that's biased based on the kinds of social circles I'm in, but at least it's a counter-example that not everyone in America does TV-style formal dates. I really had no idea anyone did until reading this thread What, you mean huge generalizations, tv references, and things I read on the internet don't perfectly describe an incredibly vague thing called dating. But what we do have is: So basically the girl has to be in your social circle.
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You and others have said this and it makes me think that Europe is very cliquey. Often they are either in your social circle or at work, but random people works too. If you meet someone you like at a pub you don't immediately ask them out, you start getting to know them there and then. Then perhaps you'll invite them and their friends to a party, or you'll both make a point of going back to the same place or meeting at some upcoming event. It's generally more common to engineer your social lives to collide again than to formally arrange a one-on-one date.
You generally wouldn't go up to a stange woman at a bar, have a brief chat, get their number and then go back to your friends. I find that most of my relationships start by me physcialy engaging with a girl randomly, and it either blossoms from there, or it was just a one time deal. Which is solely based on how I feel about the girl. The only time I've checked my boyfriend's phone is to find out what time it was, and that's all I ever plan to do.
I've seen the simple question cause huge fights, so I'd say it's just as taboo here as it is there. I like France just because there is so much smoking. I bet smokers don't get harassed by the crazy anti-smoking radicals that try to lecture you and fight you just for smoking. I can tell you that in Spain it's very easy going. The idea of a date doesn't really exist. It's very informal and asking a girl to meet up for a drink is very normal, the usually say yes. I have a feeling New York isn't actually representative of the whole nation of the US.
New York might be, uhh, one of the biggest cities in the world, the financial center, and a really stressful high paced atmosphere. In France, the words "dating, to date, a date, etc. Most people here go straight from being friends to being in a relationship. The courtship either happens very quickly or it happens in a group setting where there is less pressure. I feel like dating allows you to get to know each other in a "can this lead somewhere" situation, but the pressure can sometimes make people awkward.
I think the group setting exerts more pressure, at least to stay together.
Because everyone 'sees', so people are less likely to break up. Before answering, full disclosure: I'm not French American here but have lived in France for 4 years. I also have lived with French people the entire time somethings so I think I've gotten a good perspective on it.
So take my opinion knowing that it's from an American immersed in French culture and not a full-fledged Frenchie. With that out of the way I don't think French people are less likely to break up because everyone "sees. I have been invited to events dinners, parties, etc. Most French people will have another relationship lined up before they leave their current one for fear of being single.
There's no culture of "Single and proud of it. But yes, there is of course the teasing that can come about in a group setting where everyone else knows the two like each other, etc. I had never thought about the negative stigma attached to being single in France, but now you mention it that's probably true. That's a bit over-generalizing, I think people do this everywhere. Or maybe mostly in Latin countries, but that's a lot of people. Dating is such a loaded word. It means something different to everybody. Its like defining 'working hard' - what I consider working hard can be very different from what you consider working hard.
Dating is defined in Wikipedia as a form of courtship; or act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. According to that definition there really is no difference in dating. So I think first we need to come up with a group definition of "What is dating? I personally remember asking this questions when I first moved to North America for high school. I remember being frustrated and not being able to get a unanimous response. After a while I just left it at that, and did whatever made me happy. Sometimes that means one night stands with someone you met at a bar, sometimes asking a girl our for dinner and a movie, sometimes coffee.
It really depends on the situation and what is comfortable for everybody. This has been the same whether I've been in NA or Europe where i spend about half my time these days. To me 'dating' is essentially being in a exclusive relationship. Americans find it hard to stay still and enjoy the things surrounding them. So they are more future oriented. They think about their next promotion or their next project and they usually have this all planned out in their head. Although this is not a precise fact, Europeans tend to have more time to date than Americans do.
They also do not mind spending a lot of time in dating. This is because they like to savor the moment and because of that, sometimes they get carried away. Americans are very busy people. They do not have much time for time consuming date. Even though they are busy, they can still make time for dates after work or in the middle of work time.
European are not too into labeling which is calling each other girlfriend or boyfriend. Americans however, are very possessive. They prefer to have laves on each other. If not, they feel that their partner might be taken away easily. European people, which are still heavily tied to their culture, have a great manner.
They are grown by their parents to have great manners to everyone and they even carry it to the dating field.
Americans often do not care about manners so they are more rough and unrefined. But not all are, some are still a gentleman. The people in Europe have some kind of silent confidence that shows through their every move. This silence confidence can be felt without being obnoxious.
Americans on the other hand, love to show their confidence. You need to understand the basic knowledge of each culture so you can shape your manners according to what they seem to search for. For European, they will quickly initiate their first move and after that they like to throw in some challenges to make the chase fun For Americans, they usually take things slow when making first moves.